well, in all honesty i dont write a lot but.. for to whoever reads this. hello, my name is Kayla Gonzalez. so for Ive been in 4 different schools. right now im an 8th grader. for every year except for kindergarden, i always found a way to have someone hate me. i just feel like somethings wring with me at times. everyone knows im vulnerable and very weak. i lived my first years watching my parents fight and dealing with my alcoholic dad. 

when i was 6 years old my parents separated. and that was really hard for me. when my parents were together we lived in this big nice house with a nice front yard. at the time i was in first and second grade. times were a bit tough because during my younger years i had a girl that i thought was my friend but she really wasn't. she just made em do embarrassing stuff and made fun of me because i was bad at art to her. and art was my passion. so when my parents split i had to leave my fancy private school.

we moved in with my grandma and her boyfriend in a small one bedroom apartment. it was very small and cramped and my mom and i had to sleep on the two mini couches in her living room. since i was in a new city i went to a new private school. his was the worst place i ever been two. on the first day i already had someone make fun of me because i was too small. im just gonna call him Chris. chris made fun of me all the way through 7th grade and his torments would just get worse and worse each year. he made fun of my height, he called me stupid, ugly, pathetic and every other name possible. and yes, it really hurt. i didnt know what to do, and before i knew it i started starving myself. i wouldnt drink or eat anything for days and it was really hard. i became skinny, cold, and pale. and i looked like a mess. life wasnt as hard i guess. my best friend Eliza and i were technically part of the popular group. they kind of hated us and thought we were annoying but we got to sit with them at lunch and talk to them sometimes. Eliza and I had a mutual friend in the popular group so we got hooked up. these girl would gossip about us ALOT though. and they were kind of mean. but i tried to ignore it. i just wanted friends

this is longer then i expected. if you read up to here i love you!

in 7th grade new girls come to our school. ill call them Krissy and Lauren. lauren came into our school and easily detected the poplar crowd. she tried her absolute best to fit in. i welcomed her nicely she looks cool. but she didnt like me and my best friend Eliza for some reason. anyways, long story short. she got s kicked out of the popular crowd and got us replaced. everyone hated us. they gossiped abut me and eliza, called us names. but eliza was confident and she didnt let it get to her so she eventually stopped. but they still aimed for me because i was vulnerable. i lived off of what other people thought of me. and i still do. after the first break i befriended krissy who was the other new kid. we became close friends and i told her all my secrets and blah blah blah. typical girl friends stuff. krissy eventually became super popular and she figured she didnt need me. and people already didnt like me so they told her to dich me because im a dumb bitch. so she did. she also spread all my secrets so everyone made fun of me. mainly for the big secret about my big crush on Chris oops. so they all bullied me especially krissy, Lauren and chris. and my best friend eliza was gone on vacation so i totally lost it. i came home so angry i would get in fights with my mom and she would be angry at me all the time so she wouldnt talk to me [we moved out at this point by the way] so i had no one. this was 7th grade. i became anorexic again, i started cutting myself like crazy and i attempted suicide more than once. it was a madhouse. eventually krissy left me alone because "im getting annoying" so everyone except for Chris left me alone.

summer came and i finally convinced my mom to let me transfer to the school im at now. and of couse my story doesn't end because i suck and thats just how my perfect life works. 

so, since my fingers are hurting im just going to skim the parts till now.

had best friends named hannah issabel and karen. 

hannah convinced issabel and karen to turn on me

sadness and cutting

karen and issabel turned on hannah because they thought she was annoying.

issabel gets boyfriend

hannah is sad. i am still her friend though because i trust and love everyone pathetic. i know

everyone makes up. we are all happy again.

we find out hannah lied about cutting. everyone except me hates her and ditches her. 

hannah is mad and tries to get revenge. 

she gets kicked out of school

so its just me issabel and karen 

welcome to the present. 

issabel stopped talking to me now because i guess i got annoying. issabel knows she can do whatever she wants since she is the most popular girl and everyone adores her. so she backstabbes me. she then cheats on her boyfriend with another boy and leaves him. 

her boyfriend then develops a crush on me uh oh. i didnt date him since they just broke up but i really wanted too. i felt loved which is a rare thing for me. i felt so happy with him i told him, i was ready to date him. but i backed out. it was too early. i got scared. i feel too young to have the responsibility of a boyfriend. 

i found out issabel told everyone that her boyfriend cheated on her with me. jerk. alll the 8th graders hate me now. its so lonely. her x boyfriend even hates me too because i didnt date him. i have other friends but none of them are 8th graders. i was cutting. i stopped though because it didnt help. life is hard now guys. everything is kind of tough and its still going on. 

i just want everyone to know that we can get through this. together. if you have no friends or no one there for you, ILL be there for you. bullying is tough everyone will bounce on that little flaw you have. mine was trusting too much and forgiving so easily. we can make it through this. together. united. we will make it through this tough time and rise above it!

if you ever feel down remember this:

you are smart, beautiful/handsom, sweet, loved, accepted, amazing, and super awesome! dont ket anyone bring you down! keep your head up and march on

if you feel alone you can email me at [email protected] i reply fast. im here for you. 

my name is kayla and this is my story