It Wasn't That Bad...

I was bullied from the first grade to my last day of middle school. It started as name calling behind my back and disclusion of anything I wanted to do. It began a tiny bitmore serious when I got to the third grade, because I wanted to play basketball and when I asked the other girls when the first day of practice started they all lied to me on purpose. Thinking it was a week later than it actually started I went to practice and was greeted by the coach who expressed to me that it was too late. I was devastated and of course I told my mom. The coach was very understanding and let me into the team... this made things miserable. Those girls would hate me for the rest of my time in grade school.

In sixth grade, I had the attitude that everything would change, but at the same time I was afraid of them starting up again. Of course they did. I tried to get into basketball again and the exact same thing happened. I blamed myself for not checking with an actual adult, but still. I eventually did get to play basketball with a different school team and we ended up beating them... again this didn't make them like me instead of treat me like I'm not human. When I played volleyball with them later on in the year, they gave me hell in practice, at the games, and at school.

Seventh grade started and I was absolutely discouraged; I didn't even try out for basketball. Having played volleyball before and been away from them in sports, I tried out and made the a team. They all started hating on me again of course. Even though they never stopped talking about me behind my back during school, it hit me hard. I was always discouraged and emotional and my grades started to drop. My parents noticed and bought up to the attention of the school principal, but it only made things worse. The coach had favoritism and he didn't do anything about it. Softball was the same.

By eighth grade, my self esteem was so low you could say it was gone, I had turned against myself, lost any last confidence, and forgot I had friends. For whatever reason, I still went out for volleyball and after dealing with them for two games, I was thrown on the b team with the coach saying, "You don't know how to get along with the other girls," and, "You aren't a team player." I tried to pretend it didn't bother me buyt it did.

Having never let off during school, I decided to join track... maybe they won't. I was wrong because they did. It felt like they were after me. I only threw shot put and discus, but guess what? so were they. They would say stuff when I practiced my throwing skills, "She's fat and gross... she acts like a guy... she's only doing this because she's a slut." Softball again was the same.

Today, I go to a different high school than they do and the atmosphere is great, but I still hadn't escaped the things they had put into my head. I started cutting because I just felt lost and unappreciated. It was like nobody understood and I felt like I deserved the pain of cutting, because there had to be a reason they hated me right. Luckily, my friends and family reminded that I was better than what I was doing and that I was never alone. I stopped after a painful four months and I'm glad.

I believe that everything happens for a reason... and I survived bullying so that I can help others get through it also. I want bullying to be treated as a crime because it is and it needs to be stopped. Together we are stronger and it all starts with one.

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