I was in the eighth grade when my friends who were the root to my happiness decided to turn on me and call me names because I was hanging out with other people. I was different because I was trying other things and changing into a new person. They would get mad at me for not sleeping over their houses or not gossiping about people with them. They would get angry with me for being nice to the people they thought were "losers". They had a lot of grudges against me for no reason, and it all confused me on just because I was being nice they had to hate me? It did not make sense to me at all. I was someone who made sure I was nice so people liked me because my personality was the type that I hated to be judged and hated on because of actions I did to keep others happy. One day my whole world changed. I walked into school just like I would everyday, happy and full of laughter when I noticed my friends become quiet when I went to sit down. They told me I wasn't welcomed anymore because I talked about them behind their backs and they dont like bitches who back talk. They started yelling at me and calling me names. I knew it wasnt true and I tried to tell them that I wouldnt talk about them like that and I asked who told them such a thing, but they wouldnt tell me. I knew it was a waste trying to get them to listen. I knew they just needed a reason to hate me and kick me out of their friend group and so they made up one telling the whole school I was a liar and a pathetic piece of shit. Nobody treated me the same and nobody would talk to me anymore because they thought I was someone who talked about people and treated them badly. I hated myself. I knew this was not fair to me because half of those people who shut me out, I helped them through tough times in their life and made them happy again in their darkest moments. It just did not make sense how one day everyone would talk to me and I would make sure they were having a good day that day and tell them to continue to have a good day, but then the next, I was hated by almost everyone instantly because of a few words those girls said. They had so much power and it scared me. I went throughout my last year of middle school with only a few friends. My eighth grade history teacher became my best friend and everyone called me the teachers pet but they had no idea what I was going through and how much she was helping me. They had no idea. I still cry sometimes thinking about that year of hell I went through. It only got harder throughout those final months. I had thought about taking my own life many times but I knew I had to stay strong for what reason I dont know, but I knew I couldnt let them win. I had applied to a technical highschool where I wanted to start fresh with all new people and they had no idea about the words I was called and the struggles I went through. I had been accepted and greeted with the change I knew I rightfully deserved. My best friend and I were both accepted to this school and I was so grateful to be able to start fresh. Little did I know that school year would be just as awful as any other. Everything was going to great for the longest time of my freshmen year in highschool. I made so many new friends and my grades were great! My best friend and I were not getting along so well though, and I didnt like drama and so we stopped talking for a few months after having a big fight. I stayed quiet for a while thinking about my own thoughts. After those few months we apologized to each other and things seemed to be doing okay. Until the night she decided to change. She was being peer pressured into drugs and she has had a rough past involving drugs. I wanted to be there for her and I was, I was telling her this was not the way to go and I was here for her and she did not need to resort to drugs. She told me she was done with my bullshit and that I was being a bitch for not understanding her point of view. I had stopped talking to her after that, she started rumors about me and said things I wish she had not said. People looked at me differently, treated me differently, and most of all pitied me. They felt sorry for me and I hated that. I had the most amazing friends who stuck by my side but my thoughts were strong. Those words she would throw at me were nasty and I felt like this was my life just last year. She knew my weakness levels because she was the one who had stuck by my side last year and that scared me. I had yet again thought about killing myself many times and my friends got rid of my thoughts which I was thankful for. Without them I dont know where I would be. I am still going throughout my freshman year and I am almost finished. The whispers on the bus continue when I get on every morning, the giggles and scoffs and "thank you gods!" when I get off in the afternoon continue, but I know that soon enough it will all be worth it. I just know I have to stay strong. I still sometimes let the thoughts get the best of me and I will cry and cry and cry, but I cant always be strong. I will fight back and I wont be the victim as far as Im still standing. I dont tolerate bullying to others because I know what it feels like. It all started when I was in the eighth grade, but it ends now by sharing my story.
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