High school, whew what can a girl say about that. I started as a freshman 2002-2003 and from the start It was known I had enemies. I cant really remember why I remember being picked on by upperclassmen. As the years went on things seemed to settle down. That's when everyone really gets to know one another and new people come in and out of your lives. Friendships are made and lost, relationships start to immerse. I can remember my first boyfriend the "One" who I lived for. He was older and wise I guess you would say and pretty much used me to get what he wanted. I had trouble with another girl over him, like every story things got pretty crazy at school. At times I didn't want to go. I tried hard to get something done about the bullying all over a stupid guy. Everyday was hell for me. Finding writings in the bathroom to having people urinate on my porch. On top of an already crappy life I had lived this situation didn't help me. Killed my self worth, my confidence. I started cutting to release my pain, all over my body were cuts and scabs. It felt good to me to be able to do that and feel everything i was feeling gone for that second. Then that wasn't enough and I was left with nasty scars that remind me of that time in my life. Eventually push came to shove and we got into a fight at school which lets be honest could of been prevented if someone had listened to me/believed me. Nothing came of that just more drama. I just kept thinking only one more year, and im out of here! I would avoid classes, avoid situations. One night I had enough. Lets be honest here, in high school you drink, you do things to "numb" the pain of being you One night that was it, I came home and decided to end my life. I had an old rope on the wall actually from a wedding I went to that was country themed and they lassoed their men. I threw it over my bedroom door and closed it, put a bench against the door and climbed up. I put the noose around my neck. I remember thinking what am I doing? I must of lost my balance and there I hung. The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor in a daze, my poor mother had heard all the commotion in my room and forced her way in which released me off the door. It haunts me everyday. If I can share my story and help another I hope this gets to someone in time. Its not worth it! You move on with your life, you make your own. Nothing stands in my way, stands in front of my dreams. If you can just make it through the bullying you will come out stronger. They have obviously nothing better to do, than to pick on you when its them who need the help. I could go on and on about what I went through but you get the picture. Don't get me wrong I did fight back and did stand up for myself but eventually that was not enough. Please talk to someone and don't let it build inside so deep it brings you to that point. I made it through all that and im a better person for it. I live my life the way I want to and cant stand to see the effects that bullying has on people. Please stop this madness and stick up for others!!
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