I was always very androgynous as a child. I transitioned to male at age 29 but looking back I dont know how I survived childhood. I was bullied from high school mainly.. I didnt look like a girl, I was shaving my face by age 12, had acne, crooked teeth, short hair and was built physically like a boy. I had broad shoulders and no hips. My legs looked like I played football. In years 5 and 6 I went to an accelerated learning program for bright kids. It was there I met one of my best friends who always supported me and even helped me lie to student teachers that I was a boy :) Her name is M. and she and I lost touch after I left that school. But Ill get to that later. So then I went to high school, I got shoved into walls, told I was a thing, and an IT, and a freak and a lezzo. I had badly fluctuating levels of hormones and as a result had bad body odour so by lunch time I would smell so bad the kids would stay away from me. I was miserable, mixed up, androgynous, masculine, strong, angry and left out. Id get into fights and hit kids back if they hit me, but generally I would try and stay out of peoples way. I was very intelligent but could not finish high school because of being spat on, yelled at to be more female or go die, asked if I took steroids, and all the things that you could imagine someone saying to a girl who looked like a boy, or a boy that wore a school dress. Faggot, poofter, gay, fucked up you name it. That was me. So I left school at 15 and got a job, I didnt like myself very much and didnt know how to behave as a girl really.. my boss sexually harrassed me and I didnt know what to do..I felt that I was going to be a disappointment to my mother because my sister has intellectual disabilities, so I thought it was my job to give her grandchildren and become a mother. So I met a guy who accepted me as I was, said he would change me, so he bullied and harrassed me, threatened to tell people I was really a transperson trapped in a female body.. I had three children with him, and then finally Id got sick of his bullying too so I left him. Then a few years later after my first relationship with a woman, I realised that I would be much happier living as a man, and my life got slowly better. Im all grown up now, 43, and my kids are 26 24 and 19. My son is a school teacher, and he was picked on at school too, but like me he survived and has made a success of his life. I work for the Salvation Army, as they have accepted me as a man and I help other men learn to sell furniture and I test electrical appliances. I went from being a sad, androgynous, miserable kid to a bullied wife, to a parent of 3 great kids who accept me and a role model to other men. It was hard but my philosophy was to put my feet on the floor each morning and get out of bed. That is all you can do- keep going as tomorrow is a new day. And by the way- I met that girl that I was friends with at primary school again last year (due to the magic of Facebook!) she means the world to me and I adore her. It is early days, and we are slowly getting to know one another again, but I am looking forward to the rest of my life.
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