I was teased / picked on/ bullied pretty much everyday beginning in 1st grade when I started a new school in a new town. I was called fat, ugly, dog meat, etc. I was always picked last in gym or as a partner if we had to pair-up. If I was not being teased, I was being ignored. Essentially I was rejected by my peers. This went on throughout all of elementary school.
When I started middle school, I thought maybe it would be better, that it would be a new start and I would not be singled out and picked on. Unfortunately, middle school was worse. I remember I sat at a particular table at lunch with a few girls. It was the "unpopular table". Actually, it was more like the "reject table". Other students at lunch would walk by and say stuff like "gross", "nerds", "losers", etc. One particular day in the lunchroom, a "friend" threatened to kick my ass. I cried at the table in front of the entire lunch room. You would think someone might feel bad and ask if I was okay. Nope, no one did a thing. People just laughed about it.
There are many other examples. People put gum in my hair and would hit me with spit balls. I was called ugly a lot. I would pretty much be left out all the time. No one really wanted me around. I only had a few friends. There was a little bit of time in elementary school when my best friend moved away and I had no friends. My mom asked me to invite a friend to the waterpark for my birthday. It took me a while and I finally thought of a girl to call to invite. I called her and asked her if she wanted to come to go to the waterpark with me. She said no. I ended up not going to the water park because I had no one to go with.
Bus rides were awful. No one wanted to sit by me. They wouldn't even make eye contact. I remember one day in particular I had to ride a different bus than normal and it was packed. I had to sit in a seat with two other people. They were trying to get me to move, they did not want me to sit by them. Apparently, I disgusted them. It was humiliating. I was even picked on in Sunday school and conformation. There just was not a "safe" place for me, a place I could be myself and just have fun.
I am telling you my story so I can reach out and let you know I totally understand what you are feeling. It is extremely painful to be rejected by your peers and teased at school. It makes you wonder if you really are worthless. Please understand that you are NOT WORTHLESS! Remember too that THINGS WILL GET BETTER! In my case, the bullying stopped around 9th grade. I did not get teased after that. I'm not sure why. After I graduated high school, I went to college about two hours from home. I met the most amazing people in college. They are still my best friends and I love them very much. I also met my husband in college. He is wonderful. I LOVE my life now. I have a lot of fun and I have a lot of friends (none of which are from my home town, they are all friends I have met after I graduated high school). I have actually been diagnosed with Post-traumatic stress disorder from my early years being rejected. It did take me some time to learn to trust people and I had a lot of anger for a while. Counseling has helped a ton!!
Just remember, you will not be in school or around the people who treat you poorly forever. Eventually, the bullying WILL END. Also remember that it IS NOT YOUR FAULT you are being teased. The people who are doing the teasing that have the problem. I do not understand how they can treat someone so badly. Why do they do it? I don't know, but I suspect they have a lot of their own issues they don't know how to address in a healthy manner. To be honest, I would rather have been teased than to have been the bully. I am happy that I am an empathetic individual who is RESPECTFUL AND CARING TO EVERYONE!
I promise, you will be okay. Everything will be okay! Hang in there! You are tough and smart and AMAZING! Don't allow anyone make you believe anything different!
Much love and support,
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