when I was in middle school, I pretended to be someone I wasn't to fit in, and as soon as I started high school I decided to be myself. then all my 'friends' decided I wasn't who they thought I was so stopped talking to me. my boyfriend realized that I wasn't 'tough' so controlled me. eventually I got so sick and tired of being unhappy and friendless I started screwing up. I soon found out I was diabetic and thought I was a freak. even more unusual then I already was. then I started to get worse and worse In school. talked to the wrong people and got put down by my family. then in tenth I gut better grades, and felt a little better. but just recently I screwed up my relationship and hurt so many people. I lost my boyfriend, the only person who cared at all really, and lost friends. I felt useless and ugly and fat and thought this was it. i cut and attempted suicide.. I felt like a complete useless loser.a guy started talking to me and it was my exes best friend... he was helping me cope with what was going on.. that my ex found a new girl already, that I was better then that and he started flirting. then my ex texted me told me to stop talking to him and told the guy the same. the next morning my ex said his friend would stop. then I found out his friend.. the guy that told me he 'liked me' was only talking to me so I didn't kill myself. I thought " great, anyone can just walk in and put of my life and not even care how much it's hurting me. no one will see the scars unless they see ,e laying there dead in front of them. Knowing they did this to me. knowing they pushed me to this." I feel so alone to this day. so empty. with two friends by my side who feel the same so they can't bring my spirits up if I end up bringing theirs up.. I still self harm and hope I'll die in my sleep. I don't know if these thoughts will ever disappear.
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