In second grade, I was the new girl in school. Moving to a small town, I thought I would be able to make friends easily. Wrong. A week into being in a new school, I was bullied. I was called weird, fat, stupid, ugly, etc. I was even getting beat up. This went on through middle school as well. I didn't make friends until the 8th grade. I was happier that year, I had a good group of friends, and I wasn't getting called names as much (except fat). One day, when I was in drafting class, that great group of friends of mine wrote a note telling me how much they hated me and they didn't want to be my friend anymore. I ran out of class and into the girls bathroom and sobbed for hours. I didn't want to leave. Since I had been a cutter for years, I cut just to make the pain go away. High school wasn't much better. I only had a few friends, but, I was bullied by my peers and the upperclassmen. I was told I get uglier every year, and that I was so fat, no one would want me. No one did want me. I didn't date at all in high school. Junior year, the bullying was getting worse. I decided to overdose while in school. The school officials called the ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital. Soon after, I was put in the psychiatric hospital. When I was released, I had to go to outpatient therapy for 6 months. People at school found out and made fun of me for going to a psychiatric hospital. I had become so numb by the torment, I had no more tears left to cry. I just shut down. I was diagnosed with severe depression. Senior year, I decided that I would just keep a low profile. I would just stay out of everyone's way and not talk to anyone. The first day of school, people were nice to me. I was shocked. This went on for a few months. It looked like things were looking up. In December of 2001, 2 weeks before my 18th birthday, the popular crowd spread rumors that I was a part of the trench coat mafia and I was going to blow up the school. The principal and school psychologist pulled me out of class and escorted me down to the office. I had no idea what was going on. When they sat me down and told me what was going on, I was shocked. I told them I never made such a threat, and would never make those kind of threats. I told them, I'd rather kill myself before hurting anyone else because everyone would be better off without me. The principal told me that the cops are here to arrest me. I became very scared. No one believed me. I took a letter opener from the principals desk and threatened to slice my throat open. They called the ambulance and I was brought to the hospital. A week later, I was home watching tv, and the principal called. He told my dad that I was suspended from school, and that I was completely insane and that I needed to be put somewhere. My dad told me what he said, and I became sick to my stomach. In a few days, I was going to be 18 years old, and to have the principal say that and to have no one believe me, just made me die inside. I told my dad that I wanted to sue the school system. My 18th birthday, out of the 25-30 people I invited, one showed up.
After Christmas break, we sat down with school officials, and I told them that I am contacting a lawyer and I was planning on suing the school system. They became nervous, and they decided to send me to a psychiatric school so I could finish out my senior year and graduate high school. They paid for my schooling. During the middle of the summer, I received word that the principal and vice principal were fired due to how they handled the situation. My family got an apology from the new principal. This did not change the opinion of those in my small town. I couldn't go anywhere without getting reactions. I was not only bullied out of school, I was bullied out of town.
I'm 30 years old, and the horror I suffered during my childhood still haunts me. When you are bullied in this kind of magnitude, it sticks with you forever. Kids can be very very cruel, and they have no idea how what they say and do can hurt and kill their peers. I almost did succeed in a few of my suicide attempts. One of the times that I was in the ER for overdosing, I was told that I almost died. I remember telling the doctor, "next time I'll try harder." Now that I'm an adult, I want to help children and teens who have been bullied. Children and teens, you are NOT alone. I have been there, and understand the pain, the hopelessness, and the desperation. All is not hopeless though. You don't have to take what your bullies hand out to you. You have the strength inside you to change things. Believe in yourself because you are part of the group that can change the world. You have a place in this world, and a place in my heart. Bullying needs to be stopped. Schools need to adopt a zero tolerance attitude towards bullying.