I was born in the shadow of someone else my uncle how never let me forget it.So being born on his birthday made him an automatic a guarden to me along with two others cousins.So what this meant to and for me was that I had too call him,send a card making sure that he would get it on or before his birthday and even buy him a gift to taketo all his birthday parties.

For him it meant nothing but to remind me that he was born first and having  the same birthday he didn't have to do a dam thing for me because I was not important at all even my aunt would remind me of how I was a NOBODY.

On his 80th birthday his family throw him a big party at his church.I had to cancel my plans of going out to eat and going to the Waterloo dog track with my boyfriend to go to my uncles birthday party with a gift and food.So my boyfriend drops me off at the church and goes to the dog track anyway.Everyone was there just for him and NO one had a gift for me or sang Happy Birthday for or too me.Except for my mom,I wasn't invisible or a nobody she was very proud of me.. I even had to bring food and a gift for my uncle and nobody brought me any gifts except for my mom.

Even after he pasted away I still had to go to the visitation and the funeral and anything else that was included.And I was still reminded and had my nose rubbed in it by my aunt that he was and still was more important then me and I would Never Ever Be Anything Without Him.

After my aunt pasted away it was finally ended of being told that I was nothing and became FREE to have abirthday that no one else in my family has so it's all mine.

It really hurt then and still how my aunt and uncle could be that mean too me my whole life and extra mean on a special day my Birthday.

I just wish that one time in my childhood that my aunt,uncle and family would have cared enough about me to throw me a birthday party like they did

with him.

So the only thing that is different now is I lost my dad in(1994)and my mom in (1997)and at the same time I lost a sister and four brothers a long

with their families because they don't want anything to do with each other and this family(ME).

So I go back to being invisible every day and no one cares that I have a Birthday again.Like last year was a big deal for me I hit the big 50 and

nobody called,e-mailed or anything.I celebrated by myself at Wendy's and went to a movie where there was only 2 other people at that movie.

The rest of the day was like that too.

I guess this is what it was meant to be a life of invisiblity and lonely birthdays with nobody but myself too celebrate them and too remember them.

I do know that the only ones that cared about celebrating my birthday's was my dad how took me on motorcycle rides and would spend most of the day

with me and if he had too work he would leave me a birthday note on the kitchen table.And mom would take me out shopping even if we didn't buy

anything and we would go to are favorite place to eat.Which I will not say because that way we are still there on my special day.

How do I miss them.