Be Brave

I was bullied in college when I was 20 years old.


It started when one group hated me so much. I don't know why, they just keep attacking me in anyway they could reach. I talked bad things behind them to people that I thought they were trustworthy. But turns out, they weren't and they became friends with that group whose hated me. I tried to confront the problem right to the group, and I said sorry to what I've done and I told them that I shouldn't do that. I was trying to be humble to them by saying how awfully sorry I am. Even though deep down inside, I want them to say sorry to me too of things they've done before. Like slap me in the face, threw me with a big college book, tweeted awful things about me, embarrassed me in front of my college friends also my friends outside the college, yelling nasty words to me in front of public, and so many worst thing they did to me I can't even recalled. I could only stand still and trying hard to not cry in front of them. I don't even think I want to attack them back. I still think that they are human, they will eventually remind their selves to be kind again. At that time, I also think that I have done things that may hurts them until they hated me so much. So I stand still, until they went away from me. Right after, I just couldn't hold back anymore tears with no one I could trust other than my very closest friends and family. I only could cry and cry in front of them without even telling them why I cried. Until at the point that I need to be brave to share this. To share what happened to me all along at school.

At my age that time, I thought we can talk to each other to solve a problem. But I was wrong, cause I did try to be kind and said sorry at the first place but they didn't response me well. They still yelled nasty words to me. I just couldn't handle that anymore until I decided to have a break from my college. My lecturer asked me why I want to have a break when all my scores is great and no academical constrains. I couldn't tell her why, and just give her reason that I want to chase my career first (which this one gave me strong reason to have a break, cause I do want to chase it first).

Out of the blue, my lecturer found out why I want to have a break and tried to do mediation between me and the groups. It is what it is. Even though it's clear now and everyone's got attention to maintain good relationship ever since the mediation. But I still feel traumatized and need the break. I still feel under pressure every time I passed by my college building without even going inside of it.


So it needs to be stop right here right now. We never know what it can affects to people. It really kills. Everyone deserves peaceful life. We deserves bright future. Period.

Stand still, and be brave to face it. Be brave.

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