At the age of 10 I began cutting because of the troubles going on in a family involving me this continued until I was 11. By that age I was contemplating suicide I thought about since the day I woke up until I fell asleep. I would stay up and just think about all my troubles and how they would disappear. But I waited and waited. Now 16 I realized that I would be giving up the opportunity to start over. I am going to graduate in less than a year and I am moving out of the country. In a sense I am running away from my problems but only to start fresh something that I couldn't do here. Being a student in high school you expect life to be a bit easier as your parents or friends describe it. It's not. I wasn't bullied directly but my "friends" knew who they were hurting. They were always skinnier then I was and always pointing out how they were so fat and it made me feel horrible. I am much curvier than they were so I felt extremely overweight when they talked about it. Some of my family members spoke of me behind my back and my little sister would be the one to tell me. It hurt the most that the people who you were closer with had no problem speaking about you. It would lead me to constantly fight with them and leaving us in bad terms. I myself forgave them not directly but I did because it would only leave me more upset. I pushed people away sometimes leaving me alone with my music. Music seemed to be the only thing from giving up. Many people say that but it's true music is what keeps me strong. I struggled with myself always questioning why I became this way and why I had to be punished like this. After a while I contemplated starving anything that would make me skinny again. It was not easy but I realized that I was giving in to the pressure and not accepting myself. I still don't. But now with my real friends it's much easier to cope and sometimes it's just really difficult. My mom of everyone understands my struggle and continues to support me. She knows what to say and what to do. Even cuddling with her makes me feel happy and safe.