Always have hope

My first memory's of being bullied happened in 2nd grade when 2 girls approached me while running track.  One of the girls I had thought was my best friend and the other I didnt know very well.  The girl I didn't know told my thought to be best friend to leave, so she could talk to me. The first and only words that she said to me in our conversation  came next. "You know Audrey(my name) we were just talking, and we think you would be really pretty if you weren't fat."  She said these words with a straight face, and like she were talking to me about any old thing, not ruining my confidence for years to come. So I did what any chubby scared little 8 year old girl would say next, "Thanks", in the nicest tone I could conjure up even though I could feel tears about to spring from my eyes, as she walked away.  

  Over the next couple of years I would be choked, have both my shoulders dislocated, and come home in tears almost every night, but nothing was as bad as those girls calling me fat.  I think it's because not only was it my first account with hurtful comments, but it was also the first time I noticed I was different. I had never seen that I was bigger than the other girls, that boys never asked me to be their little girlfriend,and that I wouldn't fit in their clothes.  Finally figuring this out gave me awful self confidence issues up to the point where I attempted suicide when I was 11.  After that failed attempt life got almost a little more worse and then a whole lot better.

  After the attempt my mom had me switch schools from a big public school, to a tiny all girls school located at the upstairs of a church. The first year girls went on the school intercom to call my skirt ugly, yelled obscenities at me, and  thought I was the biggest nerd in town, but the second was the best year of my life.  Over summer break I went from one of the most hated kids in school to a girl who was accepted,loved,and listened to.  This was because of one thing, confidence.

  I had finally said enough with the bullies, I'm going to be who I want to be. I walked into the saying over and over in my head "You are beautiful, and God made you the way you are for a reason." And I actually started To believe it. Now I know it's true and whenever I start to slip and start to think otherwise I just say it in my head over and over. 

  I'm writing this not so you will feel bad for me or give me sympathy, but for two different reasons. First, to take my self in the next step to accept I am beautiful in my own way. And second, to show others who might be feeling down that eventually life will get better and that if I had succeeded in killing myself I would have missed out on all the happiness I feel now. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read this, I hope your life is filled with happiness and love.

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