When I was in primary school, kids around me quickly realised that I was the one to bully. I'm sure most of them did this because it meant that they themselves would not be bullied. I was autistic and people didn't understand and even some adults did not beleive that a girl could be autistic. I was smart and misdiagnosed with Adhd. (I have Aspergers). Anyway, I began to binge eat in order to cope. I was then bullied for being fat.
In high school I found it hard to make friends and became alienated and secluded. Half the girls in my year and many boys because of my size would trip me up and push me and so on. The names continued and got worse.
I told the teachers. They told me to ignore it. After a while, the teachers ignored me.
I started cutting. I do not recommend it.
when I went to college, I had a fear of people. For my first two years I would hide at lunch and avoid people. People who, at the time, may have been trying to be my friends. I was so scared of being hurt, I wanted to be alone, ignored and away from everything.
The bullying ended with high school but the hurt does not go away. There are times when I am told "grow up", "it's in the past", "stop thinking about it," "When was the last time that happened,". It doesn't matter how many times you cry, no matter how many times you try to close yourself off. It still hurts.
I am 21 years old. I haven't been bullied since I was 18 years old. I suffer from a binge eating/ bulimia disorder, anxiety and paranoia. I also have autism and find it awkward in certain social situations. I'm still afraid of large groups of people, children under 13 and teachers. Think about it. Is this right?
No-one should have to live with this guilt. The feeling that I deserved it, that I only put this upon myself.
Do you want to perpetuate this? Stop bullying, before it stops you.
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.