Alone in a room full of people

As young child I was shy & sensitive.  My Dad was a Policeman & my Mother was a Computer Operator (aka: Archie & Edith Bunker).  I am the 2nd of 4 children (3 girls & 1 boy).  I am a lesbian, my brother is gay.  I was not very athletic, not a honor-roll student, not outwardly religious.  I just did not fit in.  I was teased/bullied early on for being overly sensitive, crying a lot and because my Dad was a cop. 

We moved in the middle of 5th grade to a different school district and I became more isolated.  If you did not start school from Kindergarten on, you were considered an outsider.  Academically, I was behind my classmates & that increased the bullying.  In the eighth grade I made a stupid comment about a classmate and it got back to them.  Her and her "gang" threatened to kill me nearly everyday and called me everything but nice.  I fell into a deeper depression and the final straw came when once again the threat on my life came to ahead.  I went to the principles office and complained and the girl was suspended for the remainder of the school year. 

That's when life took a turn for the worse.  Nearly my entire class turned on me calling me a "Fink", "worthless" and other things I wish not to put in writing.  I finally found a group that would take me in with open arms "The Freaks".  The partiers, drinking and smoking pot became my "out" from reality.  I felt empowered, so I thought when I was drunk or stoned.  In reality just the opposite.

I tried several times thru my high school years to kill myself, obviously, unsuccessful.  In the 8th grade is when I finally "came out" to myself as a lesbian.  I didn't dare let anyone know, including my parents, for fear of more bullying.  It has taken many tears and years of being able to love me for me.  Thanks to the love of my partner of 24 years, my family and friends that have supported me thru this long and hard journey, I no longer feel "less" than other people.  When I see others getting bullied, whether adult or child, I try to step in and discourage such action and give the bullied positive encouragement. 

Some believe if you were not "physically" attacked that is not considered bad.  I am here to tell you that having been psychologically beaten, it is the "unseen" scars that do the most damage.  What I want to convey to those that don't "fit in" you really do - you belong to the family of Jesus Christ - a blessed child of God!  Bullying needs to stop!

By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.

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