A Million Smiles

You’re walking down a hallway. Your arms cradle your school books for the year. You are looking at the floor watching your feet slowly shuffle against the floor. Left foot, right foot, left foot. You don’t look up because you don’t want the other kids to see the flaming fear in your eyes. You don’t want them to see your trembling terror throughout your body. You go home balling your eyes out, wishing that God’s plan for u will come to end before the next day of bully filled halls. The devil on your left shoulder whispers things in your ears, “Hey, kid. You don’t want to deal with this hell anymore. Just go ahead, grab that rope. Go do it now.” God on your right shoulder slowly fades away into the non-visible oxygen. Then snap, your dead.


Unfortunately, this situation has happened to too many students. One second, everything is perfect and they're happy with life. Second two, bullies influence them. Second three, they die. Second four.... Well... There is no more seconds. I hate, yes... HATE how kids and even adults can influence someone to do this!


I have red hair and freckles. First thing that might pop into your head "oh hey! It's a ginger! Lets pick on her!" Also, I guess you could say I am "emo". In 6th grade was when I first started cutting myself. It was just my wrists. Now, after 8th grade going into 9th... I have cut my face because I don't like my looks, I have cut my wrists to hope I would bleed to death, and I have cut my legs because I don't want to stand anymore.


On my 14th birthday... I stayed up the night before so my friends (which I only have 2 extremely close friends) could text me saying "happy birthday!" But at midnight... I got a text saying "Hey Ashley, congrats on actually staying alive to being 14 years old. Even though no one would want you to last that long." Honestly... Even right now... I cant explain how it felt reading it... So ill leave it at, just even TRY imagining how it feels to be hit by a train, then dying. I guess that's how it feels. After 8th grade.. I guess things started to get better. Not really because I finally stood up to the kids. (because I didn't) things started getting better because I cant feel anything but sadness now.. If I see a puppy... I think "its so precious... Anyone could just simply push it down stairs."


The only.... The only single time a feel as if I have strength.. Is when I remember this message: "When Life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show Life you have a MILLION reasons to smile."

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