My name is Victoria Silva. I'm 16 years old and I stand. I know this is long but I would appreciate if someone would hear me out.
As if growing up in North Philadelphia PA,. was not hard enough, I was bullied. Ever since I could remember, I got called mean names, shoved around, got my hair chopped off, got poked, stabbed, hit....I got Bullied. If you think that was bad, it get's worse. When I was in the fourth grade, my summer camp took us to the local play ground. None of the kids really talked to me, most times it wouldn't of mattered because I always had my family. I was playing on the monkey bars when my bully asked another girl "Wouldn't it be funny if I just pushed her off?" They both laughed. So being pushed wouldn't be that bad eh? No.. I believe it left me not broken but bent. Being the adventurous kid I was, I was hanging upside down holding on to the monkey bars with the back of my knees. I begged the girl to please don't push me. Unfortunately some kids have the habit of doing the opposite of what they are told when suggested by people they don't like. I saw it in her eyes she was gonna push me, and I tried my fastest to get down but she kicked my back and I landed right on my face. Scraping my forehead, nose and lip. Blood was uncontrollably gushing out and this was extremely painful. Everyone crowded including staff. One staff member held my face and rushed me to the car. Another staff member (who I got the vibe from that she didn't like me) said "LET ME SEE LET ME SEE!" She examined then groaned in disgust. "EWWWWW THATS DISGUSTING" As if it didn't make me feel worse. I did not do anything to provoke this incident at all. In fact I stayed to myself. I got cleaned up at the rec center where my mother worked as the Adolescent Violent Reduction Program's Director. The rec center's director called her from her office and I could just see the pain she felt for me and I started to cry. Like I am now. After being cleaned up and band-aided up, the director of the summer camp program served the bully and also his niece NO CONSEQUENCES WHAT SO EVER. With the assumption that I must have done something to her to receive such treatment. I was asked not to come back for at least a week. My mom fought for me in this matter but could not win. The director feared that I , being a rather large and tall intimidating child, would come back and take revenge on his niece and that could not happen. Sometime I wish I could just go back and do something to this girl. Make her feel how I feel everyday. I am left with a permanent bubbled scar right under my nose. When I got back to school I could not tell you the number of times I was asked if I needed a tissue. For my name had no longer been Victoria, It was Booger face. I was the girl with the permanent boogie. Forever boogie. Well at least I think. The scar still remains till this day. Its been almost 9 years. NINE YEARS of even more hurt and pain. I went to a charter school. I thank my mom so much for that. The bulling would have been worse in public school. Especially in Philadelphia, where kids can be so cruel. I became and outcast that no one wanted to be friends with. That was until people started hearing about the celebrities who I will not mention I am related to. People started to act like friends but put me down at the same time. Still being bullied and these so called friends would just laugh about it. I was so depressed and the one friend who I loved became food. Yes food. But my dear old friend food who made me happy also made it worse. The bulling. I became obese eating everything in such large portions. It didn't help that my dad was a great cook either. The bulling became brutal. I was hit, I was called even more names and people would make up things and say I said it to involve me in more drama. It was horrible. Everything was reported but all I got back was "We will handle it. Just stay away from them. Sticks and Stones Victoria, Sticks and stones." Said the councilor and dean every time. Those words became so common, I could almost say it as they were saying it. Sticks and Stones AS WELL AS WORDS hurt. Yes they hurt. Some words feel like bullets entering your temple we call bodies. If words were bullets I'd be dead and filled with many holes. Nothing was ever done. My mom was always at my school searching for the consequences never given to my bullies. Sixth grade I was bullied so much and filled with so much pain. That was also the very first time I got suspended. I got suspended before I even got a detention in my life. My bully for that day was a girl in my class Joivian. It was lunch time and I sat by myself. I was drawling a picture of a mermaid. A beautiful creature I have always wished to be. Joi walks over and looks at it in disgust. I say nothing and keep drawling to get the response. "EWW what the hell is that? Its so ugly just like your face!" Everyone laughs and humiliated, I run. I run to the bathroom, face filled with tears and heavy backpack on my back. A girl who was rather popular but never bullied me stopped me and asked me if I was okay? I said no and played back the scenes from the lunch room. See joivian was bulling me for a while. I guess being bullied for such along time and not doing anything they continued. I was 5 foot 4 at the time. Pretty tall as a sixth grader. Joi was way shorter than me. I became angered that I always do nothing. But as I started calming down, Joi approached me and started calling me cry baby and other names. She said "Aww poor ugly ass baby." and put her hand in my face and pushed slightly. Before I knew it my bag was on the floor and my fist was at her face. I blacked out and can only tell what I saw through the videos taken. As I was being taken to the office, Joi was crying and I felt good. I felt like a million bricks were just lifted off my shoulders. I even laughed a little. Now that I look back on it its scares me. I was taken to the counsiler and Joi and I were sat right next to her. I stared at her with so much hate. "Victoria this is unacceptable behavior and is not tolerated in this school. " I tried to explain how she bullied me first but It seemed that I was the one being the bully. "How could you lay your hand on her?" she yelled. "She laid her hand on me first!" I objected and she pointed to joi's face. "Look that is your hand print on her cheek isn't it?! You Are Just A Big Bully!" She yelled one bullet right through my heart, those words. I was the bully? and I saw it. It was indeed my hand. I had no idea that I was capable of that. Joi was dark skinned and you could see the bubbling between the print of my fingers. It made me think of my scar. Joi was sent to the nurse as I stayed quiet seeing as I had no chance of winning this battle. I was going to be the only one suspended until my mother who is my #1 hero till this day requested to see the video All truth was reviled but we were both suspended. "You shouldn't of hit her." They all said. "Tell an adult" They said. I couldn't help but yell. "I have been! I'm at the office almost everyday!" My mom confirmed it but they sent me home. You can't win standing up for yourself. But I stand. Even when I'm loosing. Even if I'm standing alone. I still stand.
In 8th grade I was also suspended for standing up to another bully and apparently I looked to be intimidating towards another student who was shorter and smaller than me. "3 day suspension. Intimidation" Now that doesn't sound right. And my mom fought. She plead my case to the board of education being that she knew how because she was a high school teacher at the time. We stood even though we lost. I am still bullied to this day but nowhere near as I was during middle school. The high school I go to now Is more accepting. I go to a small performing arts school where people can dress like freaks and still be welcomed with open arms. Its nice actually. But doesn't mean all kids don't bully. I'm bullied within and out of school. That's mostly the reason I stay in my house, Under a rock you could pretty much say. I have two best friends who love me for my personality and accept me. Happy ending ? No. It doesn't mean I accept myself. My self esteem is still decreasing every time I look in the mirror. Disgusted my body and face. Still have not had a boyfriend and im turning 17. I truly hate how I look. I wish I had money to get my scar surgically removed. More so I can live free to live my dream. To become an actress, But who will even want an ugly face? Even with make up I still see my scar and everyone else does too because I catch people looking at my nose instead of my eyes when they talk to me. I still feel fat even though I lost a whole lot of weight. I still way 214 pounds not that many people believe it because i don't have a hugeee belly a chubby one but, I'm super tall and big boned with huge boobs and a huge butt. I wish I could change my whole body. In fact I always think about suicide. I always question myself on why am I even here? All I do is give myself and my parents a hard time. Even my friends have it bad dealing with my depression and low confidence. I'm always putting myself down and I know I should stop but It can't. I will always feel ugly and fat and irrelevant. But when I see others being bullied I do stand up for them no matter what they reply back because I will not sit down and be a bystander. Some would say, Well thats a reason to be here. But I say No! It really isnt my job to do this. I stand because I know what it feels like. But I dont think I was put here for that soul purpose. I try hard to make it look like i have confidence in school and try to be the best person I can for some freshman who are like me and want to be as strong as I look. But in reality I am only strong enough to stand.
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