6 Attempts but Standing Stronger Now

For as long as I can remember I never really fit in with the other kids around me. As a kid I used to always dress in baggy clothes with a backwards cap, and I had a deeper voice then most girls my age. As I got older it only got worse, I developed more traits that were deemed "weird" by my peers. It got to me so much and as I got older my social skills actually got worse and I was less and less likely to reach out to anyone. I thought something was wrong with me.

Things only got worse once I started High School. In 9th grade I was picked on by all my peers and excluded. No one wanted me around, when it came to group projects whoever was paired with me would outwardly protest. I didn't have a single friend. When I brought up the issue to my mom and we spoke to the principle he responded by saying I should wear skirts and make up to make the kids like me. I became horribly depressed during this year. I was convinced something was wrong with me, because no one else wanted me around. It was that year that I did my first attempt to take my life. I thought that no one would miss me, they obviously didn't want me around now.

Over the period of four years I tried to kill myself five more times before seeking help. I still get really anxious around new people but I'm getting better everyday. I have hope now that things will get better. That I can make some more friends. I was able to find a community that accepts me for what I am and not how I'm "supposed" to be like. It may have taken 20 years and six suicide attempts but things are starting to look up. My hope is to prevent these things, because even if things are better now I don't want to have to always say it gets better. I have a little brother and sister that are 3 and 2, I don't want them or any other kid to have to go through this.

All that's left to say is together we'll make it better. :)


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